We want what we can’t have. It’s in our nature.
But that ain’t great programming.
Just because something’s scarce doesn’t mean it’s valuable or worth pursuing.
Value exists independent of scarcity – something scarce can be valuable, but isn’t always. And something can be incredibly valuable and not be scarce.
Unfortunately our feelings tend to confuse the two. And the really fucked up part’s that if something’s not scarce enough, if it’s too-easily gotten, we usually get bored and overlook or dismiss its value.
Enter “I-don’t-know-it’s-great-but-I’m-just-not-feelin-it” – ah the sound of something beautiful dying.
The animal part of us craves the emotional rush of the chase. A voice from the deep compels us to only pursue that which flees. Having to fight and suffer for things puts lightning in our blood and fire in our loins. It makes us feel alive.
Sometimes this is really good – it leverages our primal instinct to push us to new heights. Evolution put it there for good reason.
But sometimes it’s really, really bad – costing us things we actually need in our lives simply because they weren’t hard enough to get.
Take the social games we play with each other as an example. They’re based on various combinations of things like withholding, selective approval, subtext, partial truths, misdirection, etc. – all principles of controlling scarcity designed to elicit emotion and investment.
It’s well-known these games do way more harm than good. They force us to carefully meter-out the openness and good we give each other in order to guard ourselves and maintain social power. Whoever cares less and follows the law of least effort wins. Ugh.
…But knowing something and understanding it are two very different things… and the space between them’s vast.
It’s why we so confidently say playing these games is immature and stupid in thoughtful conversation, then immediately start playing them the second our blood’s up. We know… but we don’t understand.
So it’s up to each of us to be really honest with ourselves here – is something scarce because it’s actually valuable, valuable just because it’s scarce, or is life just giving us something we need that we should embrace?
…I’m sorry Denise.